I Wouldn't Leave If You Let Me
by AlldevilsAngels
Summary: Sometimes, Jacob could be a little impulsive, grabbing her arm, shaking her, yelling, and, when the anger got to be too much to contain, Jacob liked to throw things, so Bella wasn't afraid. Because Jacob would never hurt her.
1. Chapter 1

**I Wouldn't Leave If You Let Me**

 **Summary:** **Sometimes, Jacob could be a little impulsive, grabbing her arm, shaking her, yelling, and, when the anger got to be too much to contain, Jacob liked to throw things, so Bella wasn't afraid. Because Jacob would never hurt her.**

* * *

 _"I love you in my very own way._  
 _Like a stone loves the mosses around it_  
 _Like a sea loves the pebbles in it_  
 _Like a coincidence..._  
 _Taking you as the way you are,_  
 _With all the bruises, scars and broken parts all around you and your heart._

 _I love you in my very own way_  
 _By throwing the stone, the mosses, the sea and the pebbles to your head_  
 _Like i want to kill you._  
 _Just because of envying the love_  
 _That my heart spend on you."_

― Arzum Uzun

* * *

For as long as she can remember it has always been _JacobandBella._ She belonged to him and he belonged to her. It was an undeniable trust in her life. Something as instinctively known to her as breathing. Bella knew that as long as Jacob was in her life then she would never, ever be alone.

They were both born the same day, at the same time, in different hospitals. Charlie always said that they had been inseparable since birth. He always told stories about how she used to crawl into Jacob's crib whenever he left her at Billy's and they'd find them curled around each other like the Yin and Yang symbol. There were pictures of them and everything.

They didn't need words to communicate, Jacob could hear Bella's thoughts as easily as his own and Bella read Jacob's moods like she was feeling them herself.

It was like they were two halves of the same soul. Almost as if they shared the same heart.

Jacob loved her more than anyone and she needed him more than anyone. She figured that balanced them out.

 _She was wrong_

* * *

 _The toxic behaviors were there before you decided to enter into relationships with them. The signs were there. You may have chosen to look the other way, but the signs were there."_

—Psychotherapist from Type 1 Sociopath


	2. Chapter 2

**I Wouldn't Leave If You Let Me**

 **Summary:** **Sometimes, Jacob could be a little impulsive, grabbing her arm, shaking her, yelling, and, when the anger got to be too much to contain, Jacob liked to throw things, so Bella wasn't afraid. Because Jacob would never hurt her.**

* * *

 _"An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he's not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing."_

― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

* * *

Giving a brief soft rapt of her knuckles, Bella entered Jacob's apartment.

"Jake?" Looking around, she shrugged off her coat and she walked deeper into the apartment. In anyone else's home she would have waited, not even entered on her own but with Jacob's place it was just as much her home as his. They picked out this place together and she still had her spare key.

Bella looked around, taking in the empty beer bottles and dirty laundry everywhere. Bella shook her head fondly, and started picking up clothes. She'd always been a neat freak and Jacob was an episode of hoarders waiting to happen.

"Jacob?" Frowning a little, Bella left the living room and peered into the dark bedroom.

"Was wondering if you'd make it," was her welcome as Jacob sat up from the bed and slipped passed her to go into the living room, not meeting her eyes. When Jacob avoided her gaze it meant something bad, it meant Jacob had done or was going to do something that Bella wouldn't like.

"What did you do?" Bella asked, as Jacob flopped on the couch, after grabbing a beer from the fridge.

"I'm surprised you'd have time. I thought you were leaving me behind," Jacob said darkly, ignoring her question, "Or did I just imagine last night?"

Bella looked down at her feet.

* * *

 _"Always happens with men. They promise friendship. They promise to treat you as an equal. In the end, all they want is to possess you."_

― Rick Riordan, The Blood of Olympus


	3. Chapter 3

**I Wouldn't Leave If You Let Me**

 **Summary:** **Sometimes, Jacob could be a little impulsive, grabbing her arm, shaking her, yelling, and, when the anger got to be too much to contain, Jacob liked to throw things, so Bella wasn't afraid. Because Jacob would never hurt her.**

* * *

 ** _"Mine_** _ **.** The language of love is like that, possessive. That should be the first warning that it's not going to encourage anyone's betterment."_  
― Holly Black, Black Heart

* * *

Jacob punched the first boy who ever kissed her.

His name was Mike Newton and sometimes he hung out with them in the park. While Jacob was talking to Embry, Mike asked her if he could kiss her. Bella said okay and their lips were only pressed together for a second before Jacob was there, pulling Mike away from her and punching him in the face.

Bella tried to stop him, but he pushed her away and dived on Mike like something possessed.

He hit him again and again until their parents came to break it up. That was the first time Bella had ever seen Jacob's dark side.

And it wouldn't be the last.

"I'm sorry, Bells," Jacob whispered, in the crook of her neck later when they got home, "Please don't be mad at me. Please don't leave me,"

"I could never be mad at you," Bella replied, "it's you and me, until my heart stops beating,"

"Promise?" Jacob asked, pulling away to look at her.

"I promise," Bella smiled, and Jacob pressed his lips to hers.

It last five seconds, but when it's over Jacob smiles like the sun.

"Don't ever kiss anyone other than me, okay?" he says and Bella nods.

"Okay," Bella promised, "I will never kiss anyone other than you,"

 ** _That was her first mistake._**

* * *

 _"I love you. You're mine. I'll kill any bastard who tries to take you from me."_

― Samantha Young, On Dublin Street

* * *

 **Author's note: In response to the one review I got from a "Guest" I'd like to take the opportunity to say this: I am not a Edward/Bella shipper. I am just a person writing a story. Jacob is actually one of my favorite character in Twilight but that doesn't mean that he is without his flaws. No, he is not abusive in the actually books (with the exception of that one forced kiss that i try to bleach from my memory)**

 **Now, this was a request given to me by a friend of mine who is going through something.**

 **So I hope you have good day and I am sorry that i offended you.** **Next time, Log in, or sign up, so we can talk please.**

 **To everyone else: Thank you for reading. I love you guys.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I Wouldn't Leave If You Let Me**

 **Summary:** **Sometimes, Jacob could be a little impulsive, grabbing her arm, shaking her, yelling, and, when the anger got to be too much to contain, Jacob liked to throw things, so Bella wasn't afraid. Because Jacob would never hurt her.**

* * *

 _"For the possession of what we love is an even greater joy than love itself."_

― Marcel Proust, The Captive & The Fugitive

* * *

"Are you still mad about that?" Bella finally asked, "Is that why you called? You said it was an _emergency_ ,"

"You still going through with your…" Jacob waved his hand in a vague gesture that made no real sense, "…thing?"

"If by _'thing'_ you imply my flight tomorrow _morning,_ I might add, then yes. Have been for months now Jacob."

Whenever her leaving was mentioned, Jacob would get a little tense, he could argue against it for _hours_ so Bella decided to make herself comfortable, so they could talk this out.

"Have I mentioned it's fucking stupid?"

"Every single day. You even sent me a text this morning that said _'Moving to Alaska with Edward is fucking stupid'_."

"And you're still going through with it?"

"Yes," Bella replied as she watched her friend closely, trying to figure out what was going on in that thick skull that had him calling Bella in the middle of the night.

"Fucking. Stupid." Jacob repeated, taking a sip of his beer.

Her friendship with Edward was something they had never been able to, or would be able to, agree on. While Bella really liked Edward and his family, Jacob saw them as some crazy cult who brain washed her.

"It's my life," Bella said, softly, and Jacob chuckled.

"Our life," he stated.

"Mine," Bella repeated, firmly.

* * *

 _"The sense of ownership is one reason why abuse tends to get worse as relationships get more serious. The more history and commitment that develop in the couple, the more the abuser comes to think of his partner as a prized object. Possessiveness is at the core of the abuser's mindset, the spring from which all the other streams spout; on some level he feels that he owns you and therefore has the right to treat you as he sees fit."_

 _―_ _Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men_


	5. Chapter 5

**I Wouldn't Leave If You Let Me**

 **Summary:** **Sometimes, Jacob could be a little impulsive, grabbing her arm, shaking her, yelling, and, when the anger got to be too much to contain, Jacob liked to throw things, so Bella wasn't afraid. Because Jacob would never hurt her.**

* * *

 _"A void in my chest was beginning to fill with anger. Quiet, defeated anger that guaranteed me the right to my hurt, that believed no one could possibly understand that hurt._ "

― Rachel Sontag, House Rules

* * *

After his dad died, Jacob became twisted with anger.

Bella watched as the other half of her soul became unrecognizable and it began to scare her how dark Jacob was becoming.

Drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, it all became a vicious cycle. He developed a temper and joined a gang.

Bella tried to talk to him. Tried to get him to stop but nothing worked.

"This isn't you, Jake!" Bella shouted, "Look what he's doing to you! You don't need Sam,"

"You don't know anything about me or what I need!" Jacob shouted, and Bella took a step back, afraid of the new Jacob, but he was on her in a flash and grabbing his arm.

"Let me go!" Bella cried.

"We don't need other people!" Jacob shouted, gripping her arm hard enough to bruise, "Only each other,"

"You're hurting me!" Bella cried, beating at him with her fist and his eyes widened.

He shoved her away, hard enough that she stumbled back, rubbing her arm where Jacob had held her too tight and Jacob stared at her horrified by his actions.

"I'm sorry. Please don't be mad, Bells." He moved to hug her and Bella flinched, "Don't be scared of me, Bella. Please?"

Bella forced herself to relax and let him hug her.

"I'll get better. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he pleaded, holding her in his arms. "Don't leave me, please,"

At the time, Bella believed him.

 ** _She should've known better_**

* * *

 _Toxic people attach themselves like cinder blocks tied to your ankles, and then invite you for a swim in their poisoned waters."_

 _―_ _John Mark Green_


	6. Chapter 6

**I Wouldn't Leave If You Let Me**

 **Summary:** **Sometimes, Jacob could be a little impulsive, grabbing her arm, shaking her, yelling, and, when the anger got to be too much to contain, Jacob liked to throw things, so Bella wasn't afraid. Because Jacob would never hurt her.**

* * *

 _"The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving. I didn't want to destroy anything or anybody. I just wanted to slip quietly out the back door, without causing any fuss or consequences, and then not stop running until I reached Greenland."_

― Elizabeth Gilbert, **Eat, Pray, Lov** e

* * *

Bella winced as she was slammed into the wall, rough hands pinning her down. Jacob's head lay on her shoulder as they stood their chest to chest.

"Jacob, please-"

"Shut up, Bella," Desperation colored his voice. "You're not going to leave me,"

"I'm just going to college, Jacob," Bella whispered, and Jacob pulled back to look at her.

They stood there staring at each other, noses almost touching.

"You said that you loved me, remember?" Jacob's voice was deep with anger. "You need me…more than anyone,"

Bella knew she had to leave. Jacob wasn't in the mood to talk this through like rational adults and Bella wasn't in the mood to get into another shouting match.

Trying to push off the wall, she narrowed her eyes when Jacob's fingers bit into her arms and held her there.

This was nothing new. Sometimes, Jacob could be a little impulsive, grabbing her arm, shaking her, yelling, and, when the anger got to be too much to contain, Jacob liked to throw things, but Bella wasn't afraid.

Because Jacob would never hurt her.

* * *

 _Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. If he raises a fist; punches a hole in the wall; throws things at you; blocks your way; restrains you; grabs, pushes, or pokes you; or threatens to hurt you, that's physical abuse. He is creating fear and using your need for physical freedom and safety as a way to control you."_  
 _― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men_


	7. Chapter 7

**I Wouldn't Leave If You Let Me**

 **Summary:** **Sometimes, Jacob could be a little impulsive, grabbing her arm, shaking her, yelling, and, when the anger got to be too much to contain, Jacob liked to throw things, so Bella wasn't afraid. Because Jacob would never hurt her.**

* * *

 _"It's a bad word, 'belong.' Especially when you put it with somebody you love ... You can't own a human being."_

― Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon

* * *

A loud thump woke Bella in the middle of the night, half-thinking they're getting robbed, Bella looked at the shadow moving on her floor, struggling to get up.

"Bella?" it groaned and Bella slipped out of bed, draping her blanket across her shoulders, turning on her light.

Jacob had finally managed to get to his feet, cheeks reddened from the frigid, night air.

"H-Hi, Bella," he slurred, taking a step towards her, and knocking over a nearby lamp.

"Fuck," he cursed softly, as he barely catches it from smashing to the floor.

"Where have you been?" Bella asked, coming closer to him, "I was worried sick,"

As Bella gets closer the familiar smell of liquor burns her nose and she knows where Jacob was.

She finally got a good look at him; his face was swelling up on one side, lip busted, still bleeding, and holding his left side.

"Oh my god, Jake," Bella said, going to bet her first aid kit out her drawer, "Did Sam do this to you?"

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you up," Jacob said, ignoring her question, and wetting his lips, wincing when his tongue runs over a cut.

Bella breathed slowly, shaking her head.

"It's okay," Bella said, "How did you climb into my room like this though?"

Jacob shrugged, sitting on her bed, and Bella runs to go get an ice pack, careful not to wake Charlie. When she came back, Jacob looked grateful as he took it from her, pressing it to the side of his face, eyes fluttering closed.

"When are you going to stop getting into fights?" Bella asked, and Jacob opened his eyes, the one that wasn't swollen glaring at her.

"When were you going to tell me about Edward Cullen?" Jacob asked, coldly, and Bella froze.

"What?" Bella asked, "How did you…? Did you hurt him?"

Bella jumped away from Jacob glaring at him and Jacob shook his head.

"No, the bitch wouldn't fight me one on one. Sent his brothers instead," Jacob spat, angrily. "But that's not the point."

Bella wouldn't meet his eyes.

"How long has this been going on?" Jacob asked, and Bella shook her head.

"A couple of months," she said, and Jacob glared at her. "It's nothing. He just walks me to class every now and then and sometimes we sit at lunch together, that's it,"

"Well it ends now!" he demanded, and Bella shook her head again.

"I'm not doing anything!" Bella exclaimed.

"Then why is he walking you to class and having lunch with you then?" Jacob asked.

"Because he's my friend!" Bella shouted, and Jacob's expression turned into an icy rage.

That was the moment she should've run.

 ** _But she didn't._**

* * *

 _"It's never pretty when you leave an abusive and controlling relationship. The warden always protests when the prison gets shut-down."_  
 _― Steve Maraboli_


	8. Chapter 8

**I Wouldn't Leave If You Let Me**

 **Summary:** **Sometimes, Jacob could be a little impulsive, grabbing her arm, shaking her, yelling, and, when the anger got to be too much to contain, Jacob liked to throw things, so Bella wasn't afraid. Because Jacob would never hurt her.**

* * *

 _"And pity-people who inspire it in you are actually very powerful people. To get someone else to take care of you, to feel sorry for you-that takes a lot of strength, smarts, manipulation. Very powerful people."_  
― Deb Caletti, The Secret Life of Prince Charming

* * *

There was that hint of wolfishness about him, the curl of his lip, the gleam of his teeth, the way his fingers dug roughly into her shoulders, gripping her too tight.

"You won't leave me," Jacob repeated. "Not again,"

Jacob's breath was washing over her neck as he rested his head there and the tang of alcohol was present.

"Let me go Jacob," Bella pleaded, and Jacob whined low in his throat.

"I won't, Bella," Jacob said firmly, the desperation was clear and he leaned against her, resting his head on his neck tightly.

"What are you going to do then? Keep me here so I miss my flight? Yell at me until I change my mind?" Angry tears fell from her eyes.

"Just stay, please honey, just stay and forget all that college crap," Jacob ordered, tearful too, and Bella wanted to give in.

She wanted to ask him to come with her. To leave Sam and his gang behind.

Because she did love Jacob.

But this…this was her _future_.

This was _her_ life.

And she couldn't spend the rest of it, putting everything on hold to comfort him and calm his temper.

"I have to go, Jake. I'm sorry." Bella said, softly, trying to soften the words but not the meaning.

Jacob's eyes darkened and Bella knew what he was thinking about.

His mother died when he was six years old, his sister ran off to college and the other married the first guy who asked, and his father drank himself to death under the watch of his twelve-year-old son.

His only constant had been her and she had been just a child herself.

Bella understood why Jacob was doing this but that didn't make it right.

"I don't care! Stay Bella, please stay. You said you'd always be with me," the words hung in the air.

"I was a child, Jake!" Bella cried, and Jacob let go off her, stepping back.

"And you're so grown up now, huh?" Jacob asked, crossing his arms.

Bella blinked back tears.

Why did she even come here?

* * *

 _"Playing the victim role: Manipulator portrays him- or herself as a victim of circumstance or of someone else's behavior in order to gain pity, sympathy or evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering and the manipulator often finds it easy to play on sympathy to get cooperation."_  
 _― George K. Simon Jr., In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People_


	9. Chapter 9

**I Wouldn't Leave If You Let Me**

 **Summary:** **Sometimes, Jacob could be a little impulsive, grabbing her arm, shaking her, yelling, and, when the anger got to be too much to contain, Jacob liked to throw things, so Bella wasn't afraid. Because Jacob would never hurt her.**

* * *

 _"Relationships with negative people are simply tedious encounters with porcupines. You don't have the remote knowledge how to be close to them without quills being shot in you_ r direction."

― Shannon L. Alder

* * *

When Jacob hears of her scholarship, he shows up at her door.

"You're going to Alaska?" Jacob growled, pushing his way into her room. "With _him?_ "

"Jake, I-" Bella doesn't know what to say.

She's wondering how he's found out, when he holds up a note with Edward's handwriting, and she wishes her friend were here so she could kill him.

"We're just friends, Jacob." Bella says softly, and Jacob snorts a laugh.

"Yeah, well I'm not letting you go without a fight!"

"I don't want you to fight for me, Jacob," Bella puts her head in her hands.

"Then what do you want, Bella?" Jacob asks, pacing around the room, "What do you want me to do? Tell me and I'll do it."

"I want you to let me go," Bella says.

"No!" Jacob growls, throwing something across the room.

Bella doesn't even look to see what it was. She just hopes it wasn't expensive.

Jacob stops in the middle of the room and looks at her intensely.

"Tell me about Edward, Bella," Jacob asks, and Bella shrugs, wondering why she's so calm.

So she tells him about Edward, she tells him about their friendship and the stuff they do together. It's all innocent. They don't even spend that much time together. Really, they only saw each other at school.

She tells Jacob about how lucky she was to get a full ride scholarship to Alaska university and that Edward's going to work for his mother. She doesn't know why she tries to explain herself. She knows he won't understand.

"So you think you guys are going to be all alone in Alaska and nothing's going to happen, huh?" Jacob asks, and she can tell from the bite in his tone that what he's about to say will hurt her.

"What does he know about me, Bella? Does he know about the things we do together? Does he know that you didn't even tell me about him?" He's closer than he should be, and his breath brushes across her cheeks. "Have you even fucked him yet?"

She slaps him, hard, and kicks him out of her room.

She doesn't tell him that she still a virgin.

 ** _She doesn't want to give him any more ammunition to hurt her._**

* * *

 _"In a healthy relationship, vulnerability is wonderful. It leads to increased intimacy and closer bonds. When a healthy person realizes that he or she hurt you, they feel remorse and they make amends. It's safe to be honest. In an abusive system, vulnerability is dangerous. It's considered a weakness, which acts as an invitation for more mistreatment. Abusive people feel a surge of power when they discover a weakness. They exploit it, using it to gain more power. Crying or complaining confirms that they've poked you in the right spot."_

 _―_ _Christina Enevoldsen, The Rescued Soul_


	10. Chapter 10

**I Wouldn't Leave If You Let Me**

 **Summary:** **Sometimes, Jacob could be a little impulsive, grabbing her arm, shaking her, yelling, and, when the anger got to be too much to contain, Jacob liked to throw things, so Bella wasn't afraid. Because Jacob would never hurt her.**

* * *

 _" **Your abusive partner doesn't have a problem with anger; he has a problem with your anger.**_  
 _One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn't rise and your blood shouldn't boil. The privilege of rage is reserved for him alone. When your anger does jump out of you—as will happen to any abused woman from time to time—he is likely to try to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can. Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are. Abuse can make you feel straitjacketed. You may develop physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger, such as depression, nightmares, emotional numbing, or eating and sleeping problems, which your partner may use as an excuse to belittle you further or make you feel crazy."_

― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

* * *

"You're just like everyone else. Everyone I love leaves me. My dad, my sisters, my _mom_ ," his voice breaks, "But you... I can't lose you too, I just _can't_."

"I don't know what to say to make this better," Bella admitted, and Jacob's eyes darkened.

"You could stay," Jacob said, reaching out and cupping her cheek.

Bella couldn't help but lean into his touch. He's warm and his hands make her feel loved. She just wishes he could always be this gentle.

She wishes she could stay, but the memory of the times his hands weren't so gentle hovers over the forefront of her mind.

"I-" Bella hesitates, "I-"

"You love me," Jacob finishes for her and Bella shakes her head.

"I _do_ love you," she says, and Jacob's hands slips down to her neck. "But I can't stay. I have to-"

"Does Edward make your heart race like I do?" Jacob asks, and Bella closes her eyes, "Does Edward make you feel like this?"

Her eyes open and she looks up at him.

"Edward has no part in my decision," Bella says and Jacob's jaw clenches.

His fist goes through the wall inches from her face.

"I love you!" he growls, and Bella takes the chance to try to get away.

"This is getting us nowhere," she says, and Jacob grabs her arm, tightly.

"Where are you going?" he asks, and Bella tries to pull her arm back.

"I can't talk to you right now," she says, and Jacob's face twist into a bitter mask.

* * *

 _"When a man's face contorts in bitterness and hatred, he looks a little insane. When his mood changes from elated to assaultive in the time it takes to turn around, his mental stability seems open to question. When he accuses his partner of plotting to harm him, he seems paranoid. It is no wonder that the partner of an abusive man would come to suspect that he was mentally ill."_

― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men


End file.
